Mad World, by Gary Joules (song I like)
i listen to Imogen Heap alot. I feel like her songs are you floating through the music. It keeps me closer to you.
Dear Reza,
It's now been over 3 years since the Lord took you from me. You were the best thing that happened to me in my life. The only man I could bear my heart and soul to. The only man that I've never lied to. You taught me how to be a true woman, you showed me what the real meaning of love is.
I'm sorry I didn't visit your gravesite after the funeral. It just hurt too much, then one day in November I drove there and sat for a really long time. My old apartment was so close to you. I hate now having you here, you taught me so much, more than any man has.
Lately its like its just sort of really hitting me through the past six months. For the first two weeks after you died I did nothing but cry and even after that I on occasion will start sobbing, like I am now. Sometimes I wonder if you really can be in heaven looking down on me. I'm sure you would be so dissapointed. Before you ran from that hospital and into traffic, you saved my life. You helped me kick my pill addiction. It was scary because after you did that, my world crumbled and I hit the pills really hard again, and had a baby, etc. Now I'm without her, Waqas, and alone at my parents.
Its alot easier to get stress out on writing than thinking things over and over in my head. It's almost 2am so I will go but I think i'm gonna continue writing
